MNEMOSYNE, Chapter 3
MNEMOSYNE
Chapter 3
I’m watching always energetic Jasper as he directs the crew in their planting of the bizarre trees, the ones bought for us by the local government. We’re planting them in front of the Yoga Center, and their roundish foliage oddly complements the rounded, teal-tinged building. I suppose the trees aren’t so bad after all—despite the implications...
I’m thinking of waiting here for Jasper to take a break. I’ve been thinking about confronting him all morning, actually, but I don’t know if I should. I’m reluctant to discuss that tower with him, with anyone really, after last night. Maybe I could start with the trees, and then move to the building. Or should I start with the how he interrupted me last—
“Look at those trees, Alex!” Regina says from behind me. “They’re quite the fit, I really hadn’t expected it.”
“Regina!” I say as I turn to greet her.
She stops in front of me, and she seems taken aback by something, she’s simply standing there, looking at me. I should fill the silence.
“You know, I was just thinking the same thing,” I say. “It didn’t seem like it at first, but they may be a good fit after all. Jasper might not like the extra maintenance, but I’m starting to think it’ll be worth it.”
“It will be,” she says with a smile. “And all Jasper likes is maintenance.”
We laugh, but it feels strained. She’s not here to watch the maintenance crew or Jasper’s exuberant direction of the planting, she’s here for something else. But I wait for her to break the silence this time.
“So, Alex,” she says, clasping her hands together in front of her chest. “I wanted to talk to you about the event last night.”
“It went great, Regina,” I say. “You did a great job.”
“Thank you, Alex. It did go well, if I dare say so myself. But I was hoping to have a conversation with you about a broader issue. It involves some things I’ve heard from our team members. It’s not an emergency, but if you’re not too busy… Are you headed to Comms? Let’s walk and talk?”
The whole time she’s been talking just now, I’ve wanted to ask her about the crystalline tower. But I’m simply walking with her instead, moving away from the trees and trucks and landscapers, going up the hill towards the Communication Center. I think of saying that I wasn’t headed this way, but it seems too late, and she stops before I can decide. She leans towards me slightly, her dark eyes squinting behind her large glasses. There’s something odd about her expression, a sort of quizzical sincerity, and her voice seems raspy from the hours of socializing last night. As she says my name, I have a feeling that she’s going to tell me, “please be quiet, this is a library.”
“Alex,” she says, stopping briefly, “We haven’t known each other long, but I already know that you’re a great leader. This business you’ve built is a sight to behold. It’s changed lives, and it’s changed my life. But, with that being said, I have to ask,” she stops to take a deep breath, her eyes look to the sky for a split-second, then she looks back to me from under heavy eyelids and asks, “What was going on with you last night?”
“I’m guessing you mean the drinking,” I say, hoping this isn’t going to be too serious.
She leans back, one of her hands making a slight movement towards her face, brushing a strand of red hair out of her widened eyes. She starts and stops a couple times, then manages to decide on her words.
“I suppose that’s a way to look at it,” she says, her hands active in a subtle way, as if she’s trying to gently smooth out the air. “Overindulgence was a bit of a problem, last night, that’s for sure. And, first and foremost, we’re a health facility, a well-being facility, so we have to project that healthfulness, physically and otherwise, don’t you agree?”
“Regina, I don’t usually drink like that,” I say.
“Of course. But it isn’t entirely about the drinking, although moderate drinking, as opposed to overindulgence, would be preferable. But it’s not entirely about the drinking, that’s just a place to start.”
“To start what, Regina?”
“To start a discussion about your behavior last night, Alex," she says as she straightens her clothes, waiting for me to say something. I don’t, and she continues. "When we began working on your plan for the Yoga Center, Alex, we agreed that I would take a more direct role in the image of Fit for Life, that was the trade-off. So, given my increased latitude when it comes to projecting that image, not just to the consumer, but to investors and team members as well—”
“Regina,” I interrupt, frustrated with whatever she meant be a trade-off and with whatever she means by projecting an image, “What are you getting at?”
“Well, Alex, we’re Fit for Life, that’s our image, and my job is ensuring we project that fitness for life, but all of us at the Facility need to do so, everyone on the team needs to do so, everyone,” she says, looking at me for some hint of agreement. “What I mean, is, Alex, is that if there’s a health issue of any kind, even it’s just the appearance of one, I view it as my responsibility to help in any way I can. For the sake of the For for Life image.”
“I think I can handle the Fit for Life image, Regina,” I say. “I’m the founder of that image, remember?”
“You’re right about that, Alex,” she says, nodding excessively. “I think we all respect that fact. But this is about working together on this.”
“On what, Regina? Me? Am I this health issue you’re dancing around?”
“To be frank, Alex, yes,” she says, not moving the hair out of her face this time. “This is about you and your behavior last night. Your insistence and persistence regarding a certain topic were troubling, not just to me, but to multiple people, clients and associates alike.”
I know what she means, but I want her to say it. I tell her that I’m known for my persistence, so the real problem must have been the topic itself. What topic does she think, I ask, could have upset these multiples of people?
“Alex, I think you know,” Regina says, waiting for me again, her arms crossed.
“I want you to be direct about it, Regina.”
“Really? Fine, Alex. Why did you keep asking everyone about some skyscraper in the woods?”
“It’s a tower near the conservation bridge nearby, Regina. You must have never seen it before or forgotten it, which isn’t that unusual, judging from last night, but—“
“No, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it, Alex. But it wasn’t quite pertinent to the opening, was it?”
“It seemed pertinent enough.”
“It wasn’t,” she says. “Especially not to the dozens of people you interrogated about it.”
“They weren’t interrogations, Regina. Maybe the excitement of the evening and the alcohol got the best of me, maybe I was too passionate about it, but it, at the end of the day, it was natural curiosity. It’s not every day that a building appears like that.”
“Appears like what, Alex?”
“Well, when did you first see the thing?”
“I can’t say that I remember. Or that I care.”
“Why does everyone have that reaction, Regina? That’s really the point.”
“That is the point, Alex, just not the way you mean it,” she says, and I try to interrupt her, but she briefly throws her hands up in response, a rare display of emotion from her. “Alex, you went on and on about it, you’re still going on about it. Maybe there’s some tower. Maybe there isn’t. Either way, it wasn’t pertinent to the Yoga Center opening.”
I understand her frustration, to an extent, but she doesn’t seem to understand mine. Because she doesn’t remember the tower. It’s always because they don’t remember the tower. I shouldn’t be so hard on her, so hard on them. They don’t know any better.
“Look, Regina, last night, I wasn’t at my best,” I say, hands out at my sides. “I could’ve handled it all a bit differently, you’re right.”
“That’s good, Alex. That’s what everyone wants to hear. Your role as the leader of Fit for Life is what’s most important to all of us. It’s what you’re great at.”
“Thank you, Regina,” I say, nodding appreciatively, somewhat meaning it. “You’re right. I had a few too many drinks and got too excited about an irrelevant subject and I let it get out of control. It won’t happen again.”
She looks pleased, and she starts to walk forward as if I’m going to join her again. She’s changed subjects, talking as if I’m next to her—but I’m standing in the same spot.
What was I going to do before she showed up? It had something to do with what I told her just now. That I could have handled it all a bit differently. That’s true. I should have kept this between me and the people I can trust. Was I going to talk to Tiffany before Regina showed up? No, she’s starting one of her classes today, but she did say she’d come by my office later. She wasn’t anything like Regina when I brought this up to her. She hinted at something, some sort of intention to help… but that’s for later.
That leaves Jasper. I was waiting for him to take a break, was intending to talk to him about a few things, that’s it. I need to talk to Jasper. Regina’s turned around by now, confused, and I tell her that I’ve got to run, that there’s a potential issue with the new trees, something that I forgot to tell Jasper. “Totally forgot, still a bit hungover, I guess,” I joke, and, while she looks exasperated, she seems better than earlier.
I go back to the Yoga Center, and Jasper is still out front, except that now he’s physically helping to plant the trees. I always tell him he doesn’t have to be so hands-on, but there he is, getting into the middle of the work. That’s the kind of man I can rely on. Especially in a situation like this.
“Am I in trouble, boss?” he says with a laugh, alerting me to the fact that I’ve been standing over him, watching him pat soil into place.
“Sorry, Jasper, but I need to talk to you,” I say. “In private.”
“I needed a break, anyways,” he says, brushing his hands on his thighs as he stands up. “Let’s go to my office.”
We walk through the grounds, a few people waving at us, a few looking at me oddly. I’m hoping he didn’t notice that, then I’m relieved when we take the back entrance into the Fitness Center as usual. We get to his office, and I follow him through its unusually manual door.
There it is, Jasper’s familiar mess. Various containers and tools on top of a desk. On top of a chair. On the floor. On the couch. I’ve found Jasper asleep on that couch, many times, early in the morning. I remember that he has to unfold it himself and that, like the door we just walked through, the couch is manual. As if he enjoys manual labor even when he’s going to sleep.
I look above his desk at the initial sketch one of the architects made for the Yoga Center. I’m surprised it’s still pinned to the wall like that. The penciled lines remind me of a skeleton, somehow, a skeleton of the Center before it was even born. The straight, penciled lines and their angularity seem incongruous with the curvature of the building, both the one in the drawing and the one now in existence. It’s strange how all of those straight lines can make such a curved shape.
I look back down at the folded, cluttered couch and point at it, asking Jasper when was the last time he used it. He looks at me, then at the couch, like I reminded him of something important.
“It was when we broke ground on the Yoga Center, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember you working too hard,” I say, teasing him. “As always.”
“You slept at your desk a few times, if I remember correctly. On accident, of course. I plan my overwork. You like to pretend like it’s not going to happen.”
We laugh, and I realize that I haven’t laughed like that in a while. Which makes this harder.
“I made a fool of myself, didn’t I?” I ask.
“Which time?” he says, still smiling.
“How many people did I ask about that building?”
“Everyone, Alex. Except Regina, I think. You stayed away from her and her socializing just like I did. Other than her and me, though, you talked to everyone. By the end of the night, you even ended up talking to a homeless guy about it.”
“A homeless guy,” I say with a laugh, but it’s a forced laugh to cover my frustration. I was right, he did interrupt a conversation with someone outside, but I should take this slowly. “So you and I didn’t talk much about it?”
“No, just the one time. I think you assumed I was on board with your plan to get to the bottom of things and that I knew all about it.”
“Was that the wrong assumption?”
“Hell, Alex, I live downtown when I’m not living here, at the Facility. I don’t know anything about buildings anywhere. Do they still build them besides the ones you plan?”
His joke rubs me the wrong way, but I don’t know why. Apparently, it shows in my face, because Jasper tries to assure me that he may have seen something out by that bridge, but he’s not sure, can’t remember any details, but he can’t understand why it matters, either.
“Because of what you just said, Jasper,” I say. “No one can explain that building, no one can offer any details about it, no one thinks that it means anything, no one wants to even discuss it. They all just want me to shut up about it, especially Regina, and I’m starting to feel—“
“I saw you two walking off together a bit ago,” he says. “She said that? She wants you to shut up about it?”
“No. Not in those words. It’s just the feeling I get, from her and everyone, that there’s something going on and people want me to stop trying to find out what. Does that make sense?”
“I can’t say, Alex. All I can say is that, over these last couple of years, you’ve been a good boss and a good man,” he pauses to remove some tools from the chair by his cluttered desk, then sits down heavily. “You’ve always been supportive, reliable, and logical, and I’ve never had a problem doing what you asked of me, for the Facility. But I have a feeling like you’re about to ask me to do something that I won’t do.”
“I wasn’t going to ask you to do anything, specifically, really,” I say, but my own tone and the look in his face make me check myself. “It’s just that I’m the only one who’s willing to look into it, Jasper. I’m the only one who even seems to remember it, let alone care about it. I feel like I could use an ally.”
“Look, Alex, it’s like this,” he says, leaning forward with his hands on his knees. “Maybe there’s something going on with some new building somewhere. Maybe it’s you letting off some steam and not keeping things in perspective, a mountain out of a molehill type of situation. Either way, though, Alex, I don’t want to be involved. I don’t mean this in a bad way, but I don’t even care. For you, your thing has been keeping this facility Fit for Life. For me, it’s been keeping myself fit for life, staying busy, staying working. Maybe your goal is changing somewhat, I don’t know, but mine isn’t. Anything outside of the job is no concern of mine.”
“That’s understandable,” I say, unable to disagree with him, unable to accuse him of any of the things popping into my head. He makes sense, his view of work is admirable in a way, I feel like I related to it at some point. As if in response to the disappointment I feel, he leans back and continues in a softer tone.
“Okay, Alex, I’ll offer you this,” he says, standing and looking around his messy room. “I’ve got one bit of assistance for you, because of all you’ve done for me, but then I would like to ask you, ever so politely, to leave me the hell out of this. And leave the Facility out of it, too, for your own good. If you really need help, try a private investigator or a politician or a shrink. But no more giving people the third degree.”
“Of course, Jasper. It was a one-time mistake.”
“I hope so,” he says, stopping his scan of the room on the desk behind him. “But, just in case, I found something that should help you out.”
I feel myself straighten, and, at the same time, I want to sit down. Does Jasper have some clue about what’s going on? It would make so much sense, reliable Jasper being the one to give me the help that I’ve needed. It would really help, even if he’s done after this. I watch him sort through a bunch of papers covering his desk until he pulls out a single sheet.
“Here it is,” he says, extending it to me tentatively, gesturing with it as he talks. ““Yesterday those trees seemed to get to you, and last night I heard you mention them multiple times. You said they mean something, they have something to do with that tower, all of that. Well, I’d had a few drinks myself, and it got me thinking. Then I remembered, and I found this first thing this morning. It should clear things up a lot.”
I take the paper from his hand, and it’s a useless invoice for the trees. I already know how we got the trees. The government ordered them as part of their Community Health Program, to support the Yoga Center and some agreement I made with them about furthering our community engagement.
How does this clear up anything?
“I already knew the government paid for the trees, Jasper. The question is, why did they pick those trees? It can’t be a coincidence, that building appearing with those trees, then the government sending us the same ones, both happening on such an important day.”
“Look closer,” he says, pointing at the paper in my hands. “It does say the government paid for them, that’s true. But it also proves that it’s not a coincidence. Just not in the way I think you meant.”
I look down at the paper and stop myself from crumpling it. Because I see it now. My signature. Right underneath my printed handwriting.
According to this document, I requested those trees myself, by hand.
“Are you alright, Alex?” I hear Jasper say. It seems like he said that, then again, maybe I said it out loud, to myself. It seems difficult to process anything right now. I need to think. In peace and quiet. In the dark. Without white lights straining my eyes. The damn hangover.
I mutter apologies to Jasper, using the hangover as an excuse, I turn down some remedy he offers me, possibly more alcohol, then exit his office and head towards my own. My door opens automatically and the blinds slowly rise. I tell the office to close the blinds and it turns on the lights. I tell it to turn the lights back off, but I think I may have yelled at it. What good does it do to yell at a computer?
I’m pacing the room, trying to get a grip on all of it. I forgot to ask Jasper about the conversation he interrupted, at the end of the night, about the homeless guy he mentioned. I feel like I forgot to ask him other things, too. I feel like I’m forgetting a lot of things in general. Maybe it’s the hangover? Or is it because it’s all just too much to handle? Too massive of an issue... No, massive isn’t the right word, but I can’t think of it, can’t even remember a simple word. It’s on the tip of my tongue, I almost have it, there’s one right word for that thing—
What’s that knock at the door? Who knocks nowadays? Not even Jasper knocks.
I open the door, and it’s Tiffany, arriving just when she said she would. How long have I been in here in the dark? I tell the office to turn on the lights and invite Tiffany in.
She’s immediately explaining that she’s here to help, that she saw me last night, that she was worried about me, had heard the rumors, but she’s here to help, not put me down. She spent the morning thinking of what she could do, and she headed straight to me as soon as she figured it out. She’s found a way to get clear and definitive information on that tower.
The relief from her presence, from her soothing yet excited voice, from news of a real path of investigation, all of it, must have unlocked my muddled brain. Because I just thought of the right word.
“It’s monolithic,” I say, unintentionally, out loud.
“It’s really not, Alex,” she says, and continues on, telling me of a friend who can help us find documents on the tower, telling me that it’s a simple task, not a monolithic task. I don’t tell her that I meant the tower and everything related to it, not just the task. Instead, I focus on thanking her and on planning how we’re going to use her friend’s assistance. As Tiffany likes to say, I’m going to take this one step at a time.
Things are looking up, despite Regina and Jasper’s discouragement, despite my supposed signature on that order, despite everyone’s indifference. Like she just said, we’re going to get to the bottom of this, one way or another.
We’ve got this.
But she’s wrong about one thing, isn’t she?
It is monolithic.
